Retrospective

So, it’s all rather exciting. The week when everyone rolls into St. A., in particular, should be great. Although there are always one or two issues, it’s always lots of fun. Last year, for instance, we had a rather interesting girl with us who, well, had some of her own rather special ‘issues’. Unfortunately, the issues turned out to be us. Actually, that’s harsh, but you know when you’re having a conversation and it gradually dawns on you that you’re not so much living on a different planet, as in a completely different solar system? An example? Oh yes. This one was on a ski lift…

Chris: So, what does your father do?

Sarah: He’s a philosopher.

(This was late on in the week, and at this, I was convulsing so much it was all I could do to stop myself slipping under the safety bar and plunging to the piste below)

Me: [Struggling to construct a sentence - desperate to ask whether he's freelance, but thinking 'diplomacy'] What, um, what does he…do…to-for money?

[Chris chokes silently in the background.]

Sarah: He’s an economist.

Me: Ah, o-kay.

You see, it’s like being asked ‘what do you do?’ at a party, and replying, ‘I’m a lover, not a fighter’ (and no, I haven’t.). It’s technically a reasonable answer, but it’s not what the questioner was driving at. Anyway, I don’t believe she’s coming this year. I’m also hoping to see Franzi, our guide last year, for a couple of days. He was a young Austrian bloke who found us some of the most amazing powder I’ve ever been in, and who yodelled at us across the valley when he was waiting for us. By day two, we had him shouting, ‘chop-f**king-chop’ at us, a-la Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. I actually had to spend some time debriefing him afterwards, explaining that ‘actually, it’s quite rude, and you shouldn’t say it to other English guests’. I’m worried we’re going to turn up this season, ask for him and be told, ‘Sorry, we had to fire him. He was swearing at the guests.’ Another big plus was getting to know Bruce a little better. A sample from a recent mail from Brewster:

“On the bright side, my new ride is a Lib Technologies Magne-Traction board with the craziest new geometry, the greatest advance in snowboard design in recent history. Check it out if you need a board. It's so sick. I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it!”

Now there’s a man who’s seriously into his snowboarding. No idea what he’s talking about, but I’m very excited about seeing him and his new board in action. I’m also rather looking forward to his boiled rice, although that’s another story.

Prelude

Well, it’s all coming together. I’m about a month away from Redundancy II (this time it’s not personal), and plans are beginning to form themselves. Actually, it’s not really redundancy so much as an end of contract. It was always going to end, y’see, and now it has (well, nearly). Frighteningly, I’m now a tax exile. Yet another state of affairs I couldn’t possibly have predicted even two years ago. It’s all so bloody grown-up. The only problem is I have to stay out of the UK until April.

Anyway, as I say, plans are forming themselves. I, of course, never form plans. Plans happen to me. Things present themselves, or they have so far. Last time my career stalled changed direction, Sylv conveniently proposed a trip, snowboarding to Chile. So I departed, South America-bound, two days after I finished work. Dead handy, that (and a pretty darned memorable experience, to boot – right down to the sociopathic record producer with the ponytail).

The current plan, then, is as follows:

30th December
Head up to the mountains for New Year snow action (hopefully, in Zermatt). I am now officially unemployed.

2nd January
Back to Zurich, for general sorting out of ‘life’ issues, tidy the flat, move stuff to, well, not quite sure to where yet. I have to keep the flat until the end of January, but the London peeps are going to be staying there on their way too and from St. Anton.

7th January
Start of the annual pilgrimage to St. Anton. Fourth year in a row, I believe. Last year was possibly the best week of snowboarding I’ve ever experienced, and I’m hoping for more of the same this year. In fact, since Tony, Dex and Sylv are already going to be down there for an extended trip, it’s worked out rather well to go and join them until I’ve decided what else to do. More on that in a bit.

22nd January
The Jamboree rolls into town. The usual suspects, plus a few others all arrive in St. A. for the annual Drink Up ‘n’ Tumble (as I’ve just this minute christened it). Expect to hear The Final Countdown, and be dancing on the tables at the Mooserwirte to that song that went ‘round the internet with the fat kid in glasses (‘Dragoste din tei’, but of course, I’d never admit to knowing that. Or, indeed, having it on my iPod. No, no, not me.)

29th January
Everyone back to Zurich. The question here is do I go with them, or do I stay a while longer in St. A? Hmm. Not sure yet. At this point, I have a month or so where the world is, quite literally, my oyster.*

24th March
Dunc’s stag week, in Chamonix. Likely to be carnage. I can only hope that all the snowboarding I’ll have done by this stage will mean I have a little more energy than every one else, thus they’ll all be collapsing with not enough energy for standing on chairs, getting naked, imbibing incandescent drinks, etc.

2nd April
Assuming I have enough UK days left in the can (all a bit complicated, but I’m only allowed 91 days in the UK in the tax year), I’m heading home for careers, mortgages, tax bills and all that other fun stuff that I’ve been missing for the past year or so.

Anyway, them's the plans that have formed themselves so far. All rather exciting, really.

*To paraphrase the late John Diamond, “a couple of questions then: 1. Does he know what the word ‘literally’ means? 2. Has he ever seen an oyster.”