Tick

Same old, same old, same old. A I gaze out over the white beach, I have taken to saying, 'Zanzibar's rubbish', at irregular intervals. Last night was a quiet one. We ended up on two-for-one cocktails at Fat Fish, just along from our hotel. It turns out that there's a stack of different hotels and bungalows around Ngungwi, of various levels of comfort and oppulence. Our rooms are clean with a double bed and net each. The shower's great, when it works. The pressure is highly variable, and I've already once spent ten minutes, fully soaped up, standing under a shower head from which there was a conspicuous lack of water issuing. I had the 'Catch of the Day' in Fat Fish, which turned out to be Dorado. It was a slab of white fish on a lump of mash potato with some lumps of what I think was gelmsquash on the side. It was utterly fantastic, possibly the best piece of fish I've had in years. After that, though, it went down hill. We went to Chollo's, the bar on the beach. I just wasn't feeling the love, not at all. It just wasn't happening for me. There's also the issue that like everyone on the trip I'd guess, there are certain people I really don't click with and want to avoid. It was very difficult last night to get into a conversation without the presence of one of these people.

The only amusing highlight, I suppose, was when they put on some cheesy disco music, as opposed to the reggae and heavy R'n'B they'd had on. I looked over to the local guys dancing round the fire and, frankly, they hadn't got a clue what to do. Black guys might have rhythm, yes, but they don't when they're listening to white music. Hilarious. I really felt like throwing them some sort of disco lifeline...

Today, though, my African experience is complete. I have finally ticked off just about everything. Yes, there's a lot more to see, but I've now seen all of the 'must do' stuff. Today, you see, I had my first encounter with Amusingly-Corrupt Policeman.

We hired bikes. Ellie, Anna and Danni hired scooters, Phil hired a trail bike. I, lacking license, was forced to perch behind Danni on her scooter, desperately trying to communicate by way of eyebrow raises, shrugs and mouth-twisting that I was, in fact, in charge but was just letting Danni drive. I'm pretty good at this, since I spent a long time perfecting it every time Abbie ever gave me a lift. So, we roared off. Very slowly. Well, our speedometer didn't work, so I'm just going by how it felt. I also had to keep one hand on Danni's helmet to stop it flying up, since it didn't fit so well.

We were only twenty minutes down the road when, having already passed one police check, we were pulled in by a couple of guys in khaki uniforms and black berets. We were then led off our bikes into a small office. This was where the fun and games began. We had a guy in an open-necked shirt telling us how we had the wrong licenses. Apparently, having license for a car does not mean we're allowed to ride scooters. This was clearly ridiculous, but descended into farce fairly rapidly. He was very keen on us understanding that he didn't want to ruin our holiday by detaining us, and that it was very important that we understand what we have done wrong. After twenty minutes of this, we asked, 'Look, how much money do you want?' He didn't want money, though, apparently. No, no, not money...
'What do you think of this police officer?, he asked, motioning to the guy that had pulled us in.'Do you think he's doing a good job?'
'Yes, brilliant job, top hole, very professional... wonderful lustrous moustache', we chorused. Basically, the desk bloke wanted us to show our appreciation for the good job the cop was doing. Our niavity saved us, I suppose. We argued on for an hour. They wouldn't name a sum other than 'you'd pay fifty US at the court in Stone Town'. In the end , we told them we had no money, and that we'd have to go to Stone Town to get some. We sped off, with no intention of returning. At the junction, Danni and I decided enough was enough and headed home. The others continued to Stone Town. Speaking to Rob and Ali afterwards, we could probably have slipped them 10,000TSh each and been on our way (something like four quid). It's the principle, though, goddamit.

After dumping the scooter off, I spent the rest of the day chilling, and doing a spot of local snorkeling with Skyler. The Sunset ('Booze') Cruise is due to depart from the beach at 4:30pm – and that's about an hour away. I should really go to the beach to do some sitting.