%*~@%!!!

I wonder what the standard sentence is for punching someone in a passport office. I am so annoyed I can hardly think right now...so I'm now sitting on a bench in St. James' Park, collecting my thoughts.

So I'm off to Africa next week, for a month. I'm flying to Cape Town next Friday. Thing is, my passport is beginning to look a bit frayed – to the point where it's attracting second glances from passport control (loveable tinkers that they are). So, I figured I'd get it renewed at short-notice, since I don't want to get stung for 'fines' when crossing various dubious African borders. So, I made an appointment for 8am this morning, at short notice. I have two address proofs, photos, and an application form. Oh, the application form...I phoned them yesterday to make the appointment, then went to the website to download the form and found that you can't – you have to get it from a post office (I called again and explained. The woman didn't quite get it). I ran – ran! - to the nearest sub-post office, queued for ten minutes, only to be told that they don't do them, and that I'd have to go to the main post office. Argh!

Anyway, back at the passport office, the terminally-unhelpful, officious automaton behind the counter tells me that my passport is damaged, so I'd need a countersignature. This is the countersignature I could have got from a mate who lives down the road last night, but didn't bother because I 'didn't need it for a renewal'. I pointed out that my passport is still valid and been used three times in nthe last month, but like a referee who's made a decision, she wouldn't budge. So, next appointment is Thursday morning. At 8am.

Y'know, every time there's an election, I have the same rather patronising thought: I consider myself more intelligent than the average person in this country, so if I don't really understand all the policies, what chance does the rest of the populace have? Patronising, as I said. Anyway, I had a similar thought in that passport office: I'm a very placid person. I've never been in a fight in my life. So if I was ready to leap over the counter and punch her lights out, how likely is it that someone with a shorter fuse than I can keep themselves under control? Patronising, yes.